My Dilemma

Penny sent me a pic today.. contains my name on a farewell sheet in LIBA. That, coupled with the facts that if I hadn’t “screwed up” as ppl tell me I’d be finishing my studies and hopefully getting a job and late night orkutting sessions on viewing old frnds photo albums online, has made me feel retrospective. Was it right to have lazed around and done nothing and have my anger take the best of me?? Were my parents right that I could have had a better life and opportunities if I’d have gone back or hadn’t left in the 1st place?
Some part of me says, “Yes, you did let your anger towards your parents get the best of you. You could have just worked harder and hung around for another year, how hard could it be??” Just sometimes I feel maybe they were right.
But then I think of the past year and the new things I’ve done and experienced, all the new places I’ve seen, the people I’ve met and befriended, then I realize that this would not have been possible without leaving LIBA. 3 foreign countries in a year?? That would have seriously been impossible in my former life. Even the pleasure of seeing Rajit daily would have been a dream. And I certainly do not miss the stress and the anger which I just could not let go off. As I’ve told Ma Baba, “It maybe shit but it is my shit” maybe the feeling of being forced was so strong, maybe I would’ve stuck on if I didn’t feel that way. So many maybes, and no chance to find out if they would’ve ever been true. Chalo koi baat nai.. life goes on and I’ve moved on and I’ve my share of blessings and curses too. If I’m happy I’m unhappy too… and if I’ve lost I’ve gained too… though the only things I’ve seemed to lose is according to other ppl, opportunities, and life is full of them and it is a very very long life. What I’ve gained is a better sense of me, a feeling of fitting in, friends, a lot less lonely life, Rajit, experience and I’ve matured too. So I haven’t lost much really and gained a lot. Thank you for listening. My dilemma is now solved.